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Lawmakers Learn The Constitution Does Not Need Translation

A researcher examines the Constitution of the United States of America

Rep.  Sean Casten, D-Ill, unveiled during a House session on Friday that the United States Constitution is written in English, and can be understood without translation.  The news came as a shock to representatives on both sides of the aisle who have staked their careers on translation of the text by political pundits.  Casten explained that he made the discovery after falling asleep while watching American Pickers. He woke up to a documentary about America’s founding and was enthralled. 

The 117th United States Congress took a short field trip to the National Archives to examine the document for themselves.  There was some initial confusion as it was difficult to decipher the handwriting.  Luckily, some of the older representatives recognized the writing as Cursive, and after just a few internet searches, the Constitution was deciphered.

This newly discovered accessibility has important implications about America’s fundamental principles, but not everyone is convinced that Casten’s claims are true.  Rep. Mark Meadows, R-NC, suggested that the document may be fake saying that “We were controlled by the British at the time so I’m pretty sure it should actually be in Old English. Who the heck speaks Cursive anyway?”. The theory has received support from a small bipartisan group of congressmen, with the Democrats insisting that the Second Amendment lacks clarity and Republicans worrying that widespread understanding of the document could hurt their chances at repealing the thirteenth.