NEW YORK, NY – After months of controversy following allegations that he is not legally authorized for employment in the United States, NBA commissioner Adam Silver has finally produced his birth certificate. A copy of the certificate was distributed by the NBA’s public relations office and revealed that he was born on Phoebe, one of Saturn’s many moons. From its discovery in 1899 by American astronomer William Henry Pickering to 1967, the United States held territorial claims on Phoebe and it’s people were granted citizenship. Silver was born in 1902 and his family moved to Rye New York in 1963. Under the terms of the Outer Space Treaty of 1967, all extraterrestrial territorial claims were nullified, but citizenship would not be revoked retroactively.
The document, verified by NASA’s immigration division, proves unmistakably that Mr. Silver is in fact a citizen and legally eligible for employment. While most of us will rest a little easier knowing that our basketball league is not being run by some illegal alien, not everyone is convinced. Ham radio enthusiast and former senator of Georgia Kelly Loeffler had been quoted saying that she supports “deporting Saturn IX aliens, and completely reforming America’s legal immigration system”. The commissioner is likely going to ignore further opposition and continue to run the league’s executive office with his distinctive, Saturnian style.