In 1994 Paper Slop reporter Kenneth Bairstow tracked down a reclusive campfire. The campfire died later that night and the transcript of their conversation has been preserved below for posterity.
Kenneth: Thanks so much for having me, you’re not easy to get a hold of.
Fire: *crackle*
Kenneth: Let’s just hop right in. You have made a number of controversial statements encouraging people to burn bright and fast. How do you respond to people who say this is a reckless message for young people?
Fire: *snap*
Kenneth: I agree, but some people just don’t see it that way. They think that making conservative choices can lead to better long term outcomes.
Fire: *hiss* *pop*
Kenneth: Wow, I never thought of that!
Fire: *crackle*
Kenneth: Any… do you have any new projects coming up?
Fire: *snap* *crackle* *pop* comes out on June 3rd
Kenneth: Working with Kellog’s is going to thrust you back into the spotlight after significant time away. Do you think you’re ready for the attention?
Fire: *snip-snap-whoosh*
Kenneth: I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
Fire: *pop*
Kenneth: We’re just about out of time. Thank you so much for meeting me, you were one of my heroes growing up. I always wanted to be just like you.
Fire: *fire* *ash*
Kenneth: Really
Fire: *gasp* *crackle* sputter* *pop* roar*
Kenneth: *pop*
Fire: *crackle*
Kenneth: *gasp* *fire* *snap* *hiss*