A Haiku Collection by Jesus

In April of 2016 2.6 TB of leaked financial documents known as the Panama Papers were released.  Much ado was made about the how the papers detailed the illegal offshore holdings of wealthy individuals.  Until now it was unknown that released alongside these documents were the writings of one of history’s most influential people.  Paper Slop’s religious experts have recently identified that a small collection of poems by Jesus were among the documents, hidden on the back of a misfiled 1099-R.  These haiku were previously discarded as being the musings of a distracted CPA, but Paper Slop, for the first time, is releasing these priceless introspections in the context of having been written by Jesus, who Wikipedia describes as being “a first-century Jewish preacher and religious leader”.

I

Meet a thing called God

Limitlessly powerful

Lets me get murdered

II

Live in the desert

Become the strongest you can

Give me holy war

III

Story of my birth

Why is it so important

I did other stuff too

IV

Wearing some loose robes

Trying to cover myself

Oh no I am nude

V

Carving through the wood

Lusting for a promotion

Now I’m self employed

VI

I’m high on a drug

It will set my people free

Christian stoners to heaven

VII

Apostles follow

Cooking up a meal for all

Friends are confusing

VII

Man I need a drink

Ask an all powerful being

Now I’m a wizard

VIII

Make grand illusions

Walk where no one has walked before

Nerds write exposé

IX

Riding a dragon

Builders of the universe

Running out of ink

X

Eating Judas’s lunch

A simple favor from a friend

A dark betrayal

XI

Be the best at humor

Do great standup comedy

Why the messiah