{"id":96,"date":"2021-05-29T01:50:05","date_gmt":"2021-05-29T01:50:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/?p=96"},"modified":"2024-05-21T15:56:45","modified_gmt":"2024-05-21T19:56:45","slug":"a-haiku-collection-by-jesus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/?p=96","title":{"rendered":"A Haiku Collection by Jesus"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"A
Petar Milo\u0161evi\u0107<\/a>, CC BY-SA 4.0<\/a>, via Wikimedia Commons<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

In April of 2016 2.6 TB of leaked financial documents known as the Panama Papers were released.  Much ado was made about the how the papers detailed the illegal offshore holdings of wealthy individuals.  Until now it was unknown that released alongside these documents were the writings of one of history\u2019s most influential people.  Paper Slop\u2019s religious experts have recently identified that a small collection of poems by Jesus were among the documents, hidden on the back of a misfiled 1099-R.  These haiku were previously discarded as being the musings of a distracted CPA, but Paper Slop, for the first time, is releasing these priceless introspections in the context of having been written by Jesus, who Wikipedia describes as being \u201ca first-century Jewish preacher and religious leader\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meet a thing called God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Limitlessly powerful<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lets me get murdered<\/p>\n\n\n\n

II<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Live in the desert<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Become the strongest you can<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give me holy war<\/p>\n\n\n\n

III<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Story of my birth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is it so important<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did other stuff too<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IV<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wearing some loose robes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trying to cover myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh no I am nude<\/p>\n\n\n\n

V<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Carving through the wood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lusting for a promotion<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now I\u2019m self employed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VI<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m high on a drug<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It will set my people free<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian stoners to heaven<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VII<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apostles follow<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cooking up a meal for all<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Friends are confusing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VII<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Man I need a drink<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask an all powerful being<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now I\u2019m a wizard<\/p>\n\n\n\n

VIII<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make grand illusions<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Walk where no one has walked before<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nerds write expos\u00e9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IX<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Riding a dragon<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builders of the universe<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Running out of ink<\/p>\n\n\n\n

X<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eating Judas\u2019s lunch<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A simple favor from a friend<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A dark betrayal<\/p>\n\n\n\n

XI<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be the best at humor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do great standup comedy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why the messiah<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In April of 2016 2.6 TB of leaked financial documents known as the Panama Papers were released. Much ado was made about the how the papers detailed…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[97],"tags":[93,94,96,92,95],"class_list":["post-96","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","tag-haiku","tag-jesus","tag-panama-papers","tag-poetry","tag-religion","entry","double"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=96"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":220,"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96\/revisions\/220"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=96"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=96"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paperslop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=96"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}